10 Home Truths About Parenting That You’ll Never Read in a Book

baby-making-a-mess

I like to read and research everything before I begin. So I was totally prepared for my babies arrival. or so I thought. Unfortunately. my blessed little angel had her own ideas.

  1. EVERYONE BATTLES:
    You probably have friends who make this parenting thing look easy, but take comfort in the fact that it’s just a façade and they’re struggling just as much as you are – they’re just better at hiding it. Trust me, at 3pm they’re suffering in blurry-eyed misery just like you.
  2. YOU BECOME A LOT LESS SQUEAMISH:
    You no longer have the option of being offended by bodily excretions. Your baby will poo, wee and vomit on you, but because it comes from your little angel it doesn’t bother you one bit.
  3. YOU CAN’T WEAR BLACK FOR A WHILE:
    If you do, it will induce the silent type of reflux and you’ll find yourself at work in a black outfit with a white stripe down the back.
  4. AT SOME POINT YOU WILL HAVE THOUGHTS OF HARMING YOUR CHILD:
    This usually happens after a couple of nights with little or no sleep. After two hours of trying anything and everything to get your child to stop crying, you may ponder shaking him. However, this won’t help so avoid it at all costs. Instead, put your child down and leave the room for a while – no baby ever died of crying.
  5. AT SOME POINT YOU WILL ACCIDENTALLY HARM YOUR CHILD:
    It will happen, and you will feel like the worst person in the world. That feeling will be made worse by your baby giving you a look of hurt betrayal that will rock your world.
  6. THERE ARE POOS NO NAPPY ON EARTH CAN HOLD:
    I find these only happen in public places, like shopping centres without baby facilities. Great volumes of brown liquid will break free from the constraints of the nappy and soil your angel’s clothing, and probably his blanket as well. Sadly, it doesn’t end there – once you’ve managed to turn the dingy toilet into an improvised changing station, used 58 wet wipes to get your baby clean, and put on a clean nappy and fresh outfit (the only spare you have with you), your baby will let rip the next torrent, putting you back to square one. This time without a clean outfit, disposable changing mat or the will to live.
  7. WHEN PEOPLE SAY, “YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH WET WIPES”, THEY’RE NOT KIDDING:
    We all know you need a ton of nappies, but the unspoken hero of the baby world is wet wipes – you can use anything from three to 90 per nappy change, and you’ll soon start to use them to clean dirty hands and faces. Before you know it, you’ll be using one to dab your forehead on a warm day. Although you go through a lot, avoid the cheap scratchy ones and get softer natural ones – it’s worth the extra couple of rand.
  8. WHEN YOU LEAVE HOME YOU’LL PACK LIKE YOU’RE GOING ON HOLIDAY:
    Even when you’re just popping out to the shops, there are a million things to pack so you’re prepared for any eventuality.
  9. YOU’LL HAVE TO EAT IN SHIFTS:
    From now on when you go out, one of you has to hold the baby while the other eats. You can either enjoy your food warm or guilt-free (knowing your partner isn’t going hungry waiting for you to finish), but never both.
  10. NONE OF THIS WILL BOTHER YOU: When your little one smiles or laughs, it’s all worth it.

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